haiz... kaoz... did such a stupid thing in my life... dun even wan to say it out lor... so disappointed with myself... only do the things that hurt my frenz and my dear lor... fuck man... kaoz... what a day... realise that i am such a jerk... what can i say ? haiz... fuck up man... reali dun feel good at all.... feel like crying out but whos shoulder can i lie on ? my dear is so far and i cannot go find her and neither can she come... haiz... dun blame her for not being physically here but mentally here can liao... thanks dear... think it is more of myself to wake up and realise my doing and change ba... will open up myself more de... dun worry too much about mi... i can handle my stuff... hopefully... ok lah... end here... take good care my dear... muackz... love ya...

haiz...

haiz.. today got back my chem papers... got an D... not that bad but a low D... haiz... it was to be my best sub however it did not... guess i hav to work harder liao... then physics i think will get AO cuz i never reali studied for it... but then i will work hard de... now i going to study for biochem first le then ask teacher help mi out... this stupid topic sure to come out de... i muz tackle it... dun know why i jus dun feel rite today... haiz... then my dear coming later... at least someone to pei mi ba... haiz... i dun know why i am feeling this way but i think it is bcuz i wan to go for the match tonite ba... you all ppl should know how important bball is to mi... i reali feel like playing tonite but then i dun think i will end up going... first thing first i dun wan to ps my frenz and then go for the match cuz i say dun wan go liao... then if i go i will feel guilty de... more over my dear is coming at ard 4 5 plus... how to go ? haiz... it is not that i am blaming her for coming to meet mi late lah but then i jus dun like it lor... suppose to meet mi after sch de then she say her mum got cook then nvm lor let her go home eat liao then come then now she tell mi then she going to sleep for 1 hour plus then come... haiz even later... sianz... but i understand lah cuz she is sort of sick then i rather she rest... actually it would be good that she stay at home and rest but she jus wan to come cuz she wan to be with mi... shouldn't i be happy about that ? but i am not... instead i am feeling worst... haiz... maybe my heart wan to go for the match ba... then if she dun come meet mi i may end up going for the match ? hard to say... haiz... it seems like i am jus a bad guy to my dear dear but that is what i feel now... sorry dear if i hav said things that hurt your feelings... think this period of time will be hard for both of us cuz you ahv to start studying and neglect mi liao... i willl understand de... dun worry... =) love ya lots... haiz... the only thing i can do now is wait wait wait and wait till it is after 6 and i cannot make it for the match... then maybe this feeling is over ba... haiz... derrick ah derrick... you can go and die lah... sianz... buaiz....

die liao lah this time...

wahaha... siao liao lor today... went for the physics exam then the Q so hard... i dun know how to do lor... sianz liao.. later still get F how ? sure die le lor... haiz... then still haven take paper 3 yet... what if paper 3 also so hard... can die liao man... haiz... no time liao... hav to study le... kaoz... but nvm... tml will be a happy day cuz tml is my bdae... yeah... can spend time with my dear... then she will do special things for mi... love ya dear... muackz... hehe... jus wan to spend time with her on this special day but then thursday got exam can only be together for awhile nia... sianz... haiz... but it is ok... even if it is for jus a short while i content liao... love you so much wor... hehe... take care of yourself dear... you can do it de... jia you... gambate... ok lah... time to rest for awhile b4 i study le... see ya everybody... buaiz...

what a day man!

haiz... actually feel so fuck up with myself lor... thinking back of how i handle things it reali sucks man... i think i reali got to pay it back to my dear cuz i hurt her so much... and i hurt myself too... dun know what the fuck i doing man... haiz... knn... but the day is over le can only walk towards the future and change for the benefit of it... dear i will change de... give mi time ok ? and i will also give you time de... i know you can... muackz... love ya lots wor... ytd as it is already over 12 le... was our 4th months anni... actually not meeting one then in the end cuz of cg and fanny then we got to meet each other... reali nice of them to help us.. thanks man... you 2 rocks... anyway bought a flower for my dear and i did not know that she liked flower so much man... what a stupid bf i am to know it only after 4 months... kaoz... kns man mi... but nvm... everything needs time to lend de... i can say i dun reali know my dear throughout but then i will lend everything bit by bit and till the end of time... love ya forever wor... hehe... then today went out then first thing was to eat the small small heart shape cake for her... wahaha... it was nice sia... next time muz buy again le... then went window shopping as we did not buy anything went to hav our dinner... after that we went to see the lion dance show wahaha... not bad sia... got nice part and not nice part lah... but overall the nicest thing is still being with you... then send my piggy home... at kallang we went to the cheers and buy drink... after so long of choosing, we chose a expired drink... kaoz... the taste sucks lor... the drink was the glass bottled root beer so guys next time check the date... lucky both mi and dear did not got a tummy ache after drinking it... however everything was reali to be so nice when my brother called mi at orchard... sianz man... kaoz... knn he called mi to say that he hav to use my phone tml which is later today lah cuz he take his NEWLY bought 7610 to repair... kaoz... then he say you mostly only msg only rite ? knn fuck man... you think the wholde world only you need to use the phone ah ? what if my frenz wan to find mi leh ? sianz... then what to do ? i hav no choice but to lend him lor... haiz... then luckily my gay partner gerard hav a spare phone to lend so that at least i can still msg my dear wor... thanks man brother... then i am here so late also cuz of my fucking *real* brother cuz i hav to type the whole contact list and number in my phone cuz for his convinence and then delete my contacts in my phone... wahaha... what a person i am rite ? haiz... then waste my studying and slping time lor... sianz... jus knew that whenever my brother call like no good thing one lor... then earn money also never give mi still ask mi do this do that... come on lor maid also got salary one ok ? you think what ? free labour ah... so good you go find for mi lah... ccb... dun know how to think... only know how to think for yrself you selfish fucking pig... enough for all the bullshit that i hav wrote... gtg sleep liao... buaiz everyone... nitez nitez dear... i go meet you in dream land now ok ? muackz... "HERE I COME..............................." ZZZZZzzzzzz...........

wtf man... knn... ccb... i rather die...

kaoz... feeling so uneasy liao still kana irritated... sianz... wtf man... cannot even get to be alone or hav peace at home... then where am i suppose to be ? fucking hell man... ccb... in the end still kana said... what am i suppose to do ? knn... fuck man... feel like dying in this house... haiz... sianz... everything jus going wrong... hope tml will be a better day ba... hope i dun fall sick... haiz haiz haiz haiz............................................................

hehe...

sort of manage to get myself back to my usual standards in bball liao... but then also sad cuz recently things hav been getting rough between mi and my piggy... think is cuz of both of us ba... dun reali know what i can do... but jus feel very bothered and sad about it... feel like dying at time cuz no matter what i do nth seems to work... then what am i suppose to do then ? haiz... then i hav been slacking too much and not studying.. but i getting to it liao... hope i will be able to make it ba... tomolo is GP exam le... one of the sub which i sucks most in... hope can manage a pass ba... god bless mi... haiz haiz haiz...

haiz...

dun know what is going to happen this few days but i jus dun like it... but can i prevent the inevitable ? i dun know... i am afraid that i would blow my top... endurance i what i need and i hope i hav it in mi... hope all this will pass asap... back to normal life where we are both happy...

haha...

this is lame... mi derrick actually blogging leh... lolx... anyway no one will read de lah... nth else to write le... muahahaha... lets all mug for the perlims man... see ya all ard... buaiz buaiz... take care...